They Call it Chapter One for a Reason. Cause It's Not the End.

If any of you are readers you know the proper way to book shop. First you pick the section that appeals most to your interest. Fiction, Romance, Horror, History, Mystery, Suspense, Biography, Science, Religion, really there is something for everyone. Alright, so you have picked the section that would best fit your imaginations cravings. Next you search diligently for a title that catches your interest. This can be tricky sometimes, some might even call it deceiving. After this crucial step you have probably ended up with a handful of books in your arms with a pretty heavy decision to make. Now this is the step that separates the amateurs from the real readers. Some people will just chose to read the back summary....these are the people I would like to classify as the amateurs. This is like looking at someone and thinking to yourself, "hey self, they're kinda cute, I should get to know them." Then hearing from someone that once 10 years ago they did this one thing at that one place that clearly means that that is just the kind of person they are. It is a quick over view that gives you no real idea of what is in store for you if you choose to make the purchase and read the book. The next group of people like to read the first few pages, maybe the first chapter, they like to see if it catches their attention, because obviously the first few pages is exactly what you are going to get for the next couple hundred of pages right? No. You people are amateurs as well. Sorry. Just because you may read about something in the first few chapters does not mean that that is how the rest of the story will go. Every good story has a couple of good twist and turns, and every story must BUILD off of the first chapter. Not stay in the same place. People are like this too. Just because you can get the readers digest version, a quick back of the book summary of a person, does not under any circumstances mean you are getting a real  idea of what that person could hold in store for you. In a good or a bad way. And just because you may come across the first chapter of someone's life, that most certainly does not mean that chapter 10 will not surprise you. They call it chapter One for a reason. Because it is not the end. So let me tell you how the real readers pick out their books. They know what they are going into the store for. They find a title that they like, they flip through it crossing your fingers for some pictures (not enough books have pictures), then you make a choice and you read it. You read every page so you can understand it and then make a judgement for yourself. If someone ever only read my first chapter I would have no friends. My first chapter has helped me build to the chapter I am currently residing in, and let me tell you, it is not the same and it is not the end.

When Its Love

I absolutely love children. Sometimes I'm convinced that they are the reason I am here. To learn and to love them more than anyone else can. There are so many things that I love about them. I love their little feet, their giggles, their yawns, they way they laugh so freely, how willing they are to get right back up when they fall down, their imagination, their little bellies, but there is something that I think I love the most about them. Children have this unbelievable heart that is so capable and excited to love. A child is so untainted by this world that we have filled with lies that they can just love in its purest form. How often do we find ourselves wanting so desperately to let go of the hurt and distrust we have experienced and just love? Have you ever paid attention to the way it feels when a child runs into your arms for a hug? There is nothing being held behind their emotions. No games, or unsaid messages, just love. When did we let this go? What age did we start to not trust each other enough to let love be what its suppose to be, easy.
The older we get, do we start distrusting others to truly love us, or do we stop trusting ourselves to truly love others?

almost.

Sometimes I feel like my life is one huge "almost". There are so many different parts of me, so many different things that I want out of myself, so many things I'm passoniate about and so many dreams I harvest at the pit of what makes me me. Yet with everywhere I go in life, or everything I try turns out as an "almost". It makes me wonder if I'm just not trying hard enough, or a thought I try and avoid, is it just me? I guess there has to be someone who comes second so there can be that big smile that the winner wears proudly. Honestly I enjoy that though. There's something about watching someone's face light up with the glow of a success that maybe they didn't think possible. I love watching people realize who they are and how much they have to offer. Sometimes I just wish I could see myself end up with something a little more to show than a big "almost".

Shakin'....Not Stirred

Typically as we grow older the idea's in our heads begin to stir inside us. We start putting them in motion, or maybe start prioritising which ones have become more important, other times they are being stirred simply to get out of the way for a new idea, a new dream, a new love, a new life even. This is a natural circular pattern that occurs in our lives. But you know what? I've never really been that normal. I do not really believe that anything in my mind gets "stirred" as a grow older. Nope they get shakin'! I tend to go through random times in my life where multiple things will occur to me all at once! Then I get so excited and stirring things in my head....only that's not fast enough. So I just start shakin' to make sure I have all the room I need for my new ideas! Well by the end of it all, I don't even remember where I put everything! So I have to start weeding through my insane thought process with a 'keep' and 'dispose of' pile in the corner of my mind. It is quite a tiring process, and to be honest, I am sure that the stirring way is much more efficient. But I like my way, it helps me discover a little more about myself every time, and as it turns out, there is quite a bit to discover. So if you ever see me sitting in the corner with my eyebrow's pushed together, possibly my fingers rubbing the temples of my head.....not to worry. I am A-OK. I probably am just trying to make sense of my shakin' mind.

Funky

I am feeling a bit funky today. Only not in a "get down" sort of way. More of a "I am in a funk" sort of way (and funky just sounds cooler) I'm not quite sure what has put me here today.... Perhaps it is the boomerang head ache of mine that doesn't want to go away no matter how many advil I threaten it with! Or maybe its because I just keep thinking about a few things in my life that I might maybe may be wishing were a teensy bit different. Then again there's a good possibility that I just need a good talk with my sister, another glass of water, and a piece of the cake I can smell from the kitchen that mom made ealier. Sometimes you don't have a good day. Occasionally they will be bad, unfortunatley some will be sad, and then the other ones will just leave you thinking, "why so funky?"

So What?

Everyone keeps telling me, "enjoy life while you're young, because when you get older it just gets harder." Well OK, I see two truths in that statement.
Number One: yea, you're right, I do need to enjoy the simplicity of life while I'm young. Youth is a blessing.
Number Two: life does get harder the older you get. Bill's will be addressed in your name instead of your parents, that alone is life getting harder. But you know what the most important truth there is that everyone forgets to mention? Enjoy your life while you're old, cause who the heck wants to stop having a good time?! Why just because you have a few more loops and turns in the road are you supposed to stop enjoying the scenery? Well I'll tell you what. I'm not buyin it. So what you have more bills to pay, better find an extra thing to laugh at that day. Alright fine, you don't have the body you use to. Hit up the gym with the hubbie! I'm sure you'll both get a good laugh watching each other attempt to bench press the bar. So work was awful that day, and you had to put in some extra hours for not enough pay. Kiss your wife until you forget what made you so angry. You can't afford to go out anymore? Well guess what, neither can the rest of America, so turn off the lights, save some energy, and eat dinner by the candle light then play a game of cards with a wager that no one can fulfill.
For all you old and weary souls reading this thinking to yourself, she has no idea what she's talking about, it can't be that simple. Well you are probably right. I more than likely have no earthly idea what I am talking about. But guess what? I rarely do, and every time I have been warned of a difficult time ahead before, I came out with a smile on my face anyways. I refuse to let a stereotype dictate me and my happiness. God has given me so much, and I decided a long time ago that I was going to use every bit of this life I can to its fullest with a smile on my face until I have perminate wrinkles to go with it.
Your life is as beautiful, as simple, and as enjoyable as you want it to be. If the only things we can take from this life are knowledge, memories and relationships, then we better learn to build our relationships and create loving memories.

Have I Told You Lately

You use to force me to play barbies with you. If I ever got in trouble growing up....it was because of you. Sometimes we would spend all day making a new an improved version of Star Wars. Other days we would make our own music video's. You never walked out of the house with a hair out of place, and every now and then you would pitty me and my crazy hair and you would take the time to do mine. You would ask mom if we could go to church early so I could listen to you play piano, I would listen to you play for hours if I could. You introduced me to a whole new world of music, and knew better than I did what kind of movies I would like. Every now and then we would yell at each other until someone started crying, and then other times we would yell at whoever, or whatever it was that made the other one cry. We spent countless nights hiding in one of our closets, whether it was the only safe place to tell a good secret, or one of us just had one of those days and the only thing that could make it better were tears, and a sister in the closet. Its crazy to think about how old we are now. You're married to an amazing man, I'm about to go to college. So much has changed. We started off as Brianna and Sara. Slowly we've morphed into Bri Smith, and states away, Sara Cross. There are some things that haven't changed though. You are my safe zone Bri. You are my best friend. You are still the only one I would sit in a closet and cry with, I could still listen to you play for hours, you still know what kind of movies I like better than me, and you are still my sister. I am so proud of the person that you have become Bri. You know how to love more fully with every you have better than anyone I know. And I think you are finally starting to realize how truly amazing you are, which makes me so happy. You are so beautiful Bri, one day you will be able to think that on your own. I love you so much sister. Have I told you that lately?

STOP!!!!!!

Stop. One of the first words that we as humans except and apply to our lives as early as we start using the beloved words such as mama, Dada. So why is that a word that has been apart of our lives since we were crawling across the floor, is a word that we as a society still cannot fully grasp and execute correctly? This world is proving at an alarming rate that limitations are not something that are to be accepted. Why should we stop? Why should we stop making our portions larger at all our favorite fast food joints? I'm not getting bigger, my pants are just shrinking! Why should we stop upping the price for gasoline? I like to pump gold into my car once a week! Why should we stop putting songs on the radio that our elementary students are listening to at such an impressionable age? "So what we get drunk, so what we smoke weed, we're just havin fun, we don't care who See's" Johnny what on earth are you singing?! Don't worry mom! its on the top 10 list!" So what it's no longer uncommon to see a pregnant teenager in the hallways, keep making those movies about how much fun sex is!! They're funny!

This world knows no limitations. If one is set, we take it to court and sue it for everything it has. We. Need. To. Stop.

Stop thinking we are superior creatures that have no one to answer to.
Stop believing that happiness can be found at the bottom of a bottle.
Stop enabling children to begin making the same mistakes as adults, just at a younger age.
Stop thinking there is no way back.
Stop asking yourself, "why me" and start asking, "where's best to go from here."
Stop looking out for yourself so much, and look at for someone else.
Stop frowning, your life is as beautiful as you want it to be.
Stop just existing in a world that lives without consequence, and start living a life with a greater purpose.

"Even Make A Pizza Pie!"

" Your hands can do so many many things...Your hands can brush your teeth or comb your hair, THROW a ball into the air, WAVE hello or wave goodbye, EVEN make a pizza pie!"
I have been blessed with so much. I think often times I forget how greatful I need to be about the amazing ability I have to not just have hands, but working hands that provide me with so much! Brushing my teeth, combing my hair, throwing balls into the air, waving, hitting my little sister, petting a doggie, but what might just be one of the best and most important things these beautiful hands of mine can do.....make a pizza pie. What a mouth watering, jaw dropping, and all around happy experience it is to indulge in some pizza pie! You can dress it up and make it fancy, tone it down and make it simple, drench it in meat and grease and make it life threatening, thin the crust and make it healthy, but most importantly you can make it the best part of your day! I am a proud consumer of the pizza pie! Yes, it makes my pants fit a little tighter than I may always like, but it also makes my smile wider. Sometimes you just have to treat yourself to the things in life that without fail put a smile on your face.

Beautiful

I have learned something about this life I am living. It is so Beautiful. A mist all the chaos that we call the world, there is something Beautiful waiting to be found. I believe that we have a God with a sense of humor. He enjoys a good laugh just as much as we do, which makes me believe that He likes to put Beautiful things and Beautiful situations right in the middle of things that can come across  unattractive. Its all a matter of choice to take a little time to try and find the Beauty. Have you ever looked closely enough at the pretty little reflection your gas light makes off the glass?Or are we too busy being upset that we have to fill it up again? I've noticed that when my little sister gets angry with me, her eyebrows get pushed together reminding me of how cute she was when she was little, but how often do I notice that when I'm trying to think of something mean to say back? All of you who have the disgusting privilege of getting up before the sun, when was the last time you tried a little harder not to be cursing your alarm clock for going off and deiced to notice what a wonderful and beautiful sky we have right before the sun makes its way into our day. Anytime you have a bad dream, have you ever noticed what a Beautiful feeling it is to wake up in a world much better than the one behind your closed eye's? Saying goodbye is never an easy thing to do, but every time you are put in the situation to say goodbye, that means you were first given the Beautiful privilege to say hello. Isn't it just Beautiful.

All Dogs Go To Heaven

She had a nose that was constantly working. Eye's that were always smiling. A tail longer than a baby. An endless amount of things to say and no problem with saying them loud. The happiest heart and most beautiful colors on her coat. She was a great listener, and the best entertainer. She loved carrots and pretending to be intemidating to squirles. She liked to lick the lotion on my legs and cracked me up when she would waggle her eyebrows when she was half asleep. She had an endless amount of hair that is like glitter, once it gets on you there's no getting off. But thats ok, I want her with me. I love you Chanely, Thanks for always being the one thing we all had in common, the one thing all of us always loved and will never stop loving.

Sara Cross

psshtt....

I do this. I do this all the freaking time. Shame on you for using me the way you did the first time. But you know what? Shame on me for letting you use me the next...uh well like 50 times HA! That's OK though. I have learned so much from all of it. I have learned that I am worth the effort EVERYDAY not just every few days. I have learned that I don't care TOO much, I just need to find people that care just as much as me. I can't even pretend like this is about one person, because being completely honest with myself, its not, I let people do this to me all the time. Despite fervent efforts on my part (well occasionally) I'm not so sure I can just say, hey! I'm gonna start looking out for myself a bit! This is unrealistic for someone like me. However, even though its going to hurt me, I need to slowly start easing these people out of my life. I'm not, and have ever tried to pretend to be, some amazing person, but you know what? I put everything I have into the relationships around me. If I have ever told you that I love you, it's because I sincerely do. I put every effort I can into making sure that you are happy in every aspect. So do I not deserve the same? I wonder if I stopped trying so hard to reach out to people to make sure that they're doing good...how many relationships of mine would die out? How many people that I care SO much about would try at all? I know that I have best friends who would....but then again I think I know who wouldn't. So guess what I have to say to all of that malarkey...Psshtt...

JUST DO IT!

Firstly I would like to cordially welcome you all into a highly anticipated year! 2012! I hope you have all achieved your life's dreams because apparently we are all going to die this year....sorry. Some of you may be laughing, as have I once or twice perhaps, but you know what? Maybe they're on to something. I cannot even begin to list the amount of things I have set out to do then justified not finishing. We all do it. So what if instead of making this just another year, we live it like the last. What if we do everything we've said we've always wanted to do. What if we start becoming a person that our Savior would be proud of. What if we actually do loose that few pounds hanging over the pants that use to fit us. What if we just do it? I spend a whole lot of my time coming up with superb scenario's in my mind. I'm a regular pro at the pretending games, which is probably why I get along so well with children. So I guess my goal for this new year is to have no goals. No, because goals are something you just "reach" to complete. This year I am going to set expectations for myself. All I need to do now....is think of them.....hahaha I'm just kidding :)