psshtt....

I do this. I do this all the freaking time. Shame on you for using me the way you did the first time. But you know what? Shame on me for letting you use me the next...uh well like 50 times HA! That's OK though. I have learned so much from all of it. I have learned that I am worth the effort EVERYDAY not just every few days. I have learned that I don't care TOO much, I just need to find people that care just as much as me. I can't even pretend like this is about one person, because being completely honest with myself, its not, I let people do this to me all the time. Despite fervent efforts on my part (well occasionally) I'm not so sure I can just say, hey! I'm gonna start looking out for myself a bit! This is unrealistic for someone like me. However, even though its going to hurt me, I need to slowly start easing these people out of my life. I'm not, and have ever tried to pretend to be, some amazing person, but you know what? I put everything I have into the relationships around me. If I have ever told you that I love you, it's because I sincerely do. I put every effort I can into making sure that you are happy in every aspect. So do I not deserve the same? I wonder if I stopped trying so hard to reach out to people to make sure that they're doing good...how many relationships of mine would die out? How many people that I care SO much about would try at all? I know that I have best friends who would....but then again I think I know who wouldn't. So guess what I have to say to all of that malarkey...Psshtt...