I've Been Saved

The summer previous to my junior year I was struggling. Struggling with myself, with my religion, just the kind of person I wanted to be and the person I was allowing myself to turn into. This was the summer that I met you. It all started with a letter cordially inviting me to sit with them at lunch. So silly. Little did you know that you were saving me. You made me realize so much. Who I am, what I want, and that this gospel was true. I've always preached to everyone around me how great they were but I could never convince myself how great I was and that I was a true daughter of a king as well. You have helped me realize this. I can not thank you enough. I literally think about what you have done for me daily. I know that you're struggling right now, and believe it makes me hurt. I hurt so bad to watch you slowly forget how unbelievable you are. I just want you to know that it might not be OK right now, but it will be. You saved me and I will be here for you no matter what. I am praying for you daily, thinking of you constantly, and grateful for you eternally. I love you more than I can say, please...please know that.

We Are Animals!

So first of all Happy Thanksgiving to all my avid readers! consisting on my best friends! ha ha
Today my family and I celebrated this wonderful holiday made for elastic pants and loose t-shirts in the best way possible. We woke up slowly making our way downstairs to the smell of delicious food, and of course the Macy's Day Parade dancing its way across our big screen down stairs. Around 12 we moseyed on over to our car to go to go ole Hank and Tammy's house carrying varies thanksgiving treats as well as two dogs. My big, lovable, and old German Shepard Chanel. Then as a new addition to the family this week is Daisy. A tiny little white fluffy dog that gives me the strong urge to put in a purse while I wear a pink dress and go to law school. Proceeding with the day, we stuffed our faces....until it hurt...naturally. Then with our full belly's we all sat around the television and made old Uncle Sam proud. We watched football. Endless amounts of football drifting in and out of our turkey coma's and making funny comments here and there. In between exciting plays we all watched the four dogs we had brought together for the occasion interact. It was here that I realized how ridiculously animal like we are!
Daisy, our new addition, and Hank and Tammy's dog Chandler, "hit it off" to say the least. At first these dogs merly sniffed and circled each other. However by the end of the evening they became quite comfy together. If Chandler ever decide he needed a small rest from all the absurd amount of flirting he was putting in, he would find a nice place on the rug where Daisy would make her way over strutting her stuff. After playing a little "hard to get" Chandler would get right back up and start chasing away. By the end of the night they were practically making out! We had to get the shock collar on that boy! This made me laugh for a number of reasons. Firstly just cause they were so darn cute to watch. Secondly because being honest here...This game they were playing just so happens to be one of my favorite pass times! However, since I'm already being completely honest might as well admit, I am absolutely itching in anticipation for the day the game is over. No more chasing, no more running, just settling down by the fire with the other two old dogs...enjoying my full belly, and resting with someone I love, knowing he Love's me too. Sometimes that's pretty hard to imagine, but I'm praying he's out there, just as excited as I am. Until that day....I guess we can all just be animals!

I've never really been that good at Tug-a-War

Have you ever felt like you were in the middle of a tug-a-war game. Only you don't get the privilege of picking a side..no instead you get to be the rope. Well I am currently playing that game. And unfortunately, I am the rope. In so many aspects of my life I am being drug in two separate directions. More than anything I want to be there for both sides that are tugging on me, but there is only so much I can do. I cannot, despite fervent efforts on my part, please everyone. I'm completely lost right now. How can I help you, and YOU at the same time? Is it even possible? When do I have to start doing something for myself, and how do I even do that when all "myself" wants is for you to be happy. And YOU to be happy. Going through times like these makes me respect my father in heaven so much. How many times does he have to watch us struggle and know that he can only help us as much as we want to be helped. At this point I'm just praying that I will find the right way to handle my life right now. In the mean while, I'm so sorry....I've just never been that good at Tug-a-War.

When?

Sometimes there are no answers that we are excesible to. We just don't know why what's happening is happening. It's times like these that all we can really do is ask why...and then accept that there's just not going to be an answer. So thats what I'm going to do. I am going to just send a question out there that I can not find an answer to.

When?

 When is it suppose to get easier?

When am I suppose to accept what I now know is the TRUTH?

 When will I be able to start doing something for myself?

When will having to say goodbye going to become less painful?

When will I find someone that actually wants me...all the time? Is he even there?

Just as a side note, Jacob Walker Robinson, I am going to miss you more than you know. I am so proud of you and I love you so much. I can not thank you enough for doing what you have done for me, you have been the best friend I don't deserve, and I'll be seeing you in two years.

Isn't it Ironic...

I find life to be one huge ironic moment. How many times do we find ourselves rumaging through the frige because we have to make cookies for some odd reason we normally woulnd't have, and....no eggs. Even though just two days ago we had a whole carton. Or you purposely go to bed early a night so you can get up early to have a good hair day to you can suprise the kids at school (cause by this point they're all pretty use to you looking like a hobo) and this is the one morning your waiting and prepared for that dreaded alarm to go off....oops, malfuntion...no alarm. Or what seems to be taking over MY life at the current moment, when all you want is to not have plans for the day, and your day is filled to the point your basically saying "hey father time, this whole 24 hour day thing....yea, its not going to work out so much for me today. How does 28 sound?"  And then I have those days where you literally cannot think of a reason to leave the house. Why is it whenever I find myself sitting at home thinking..."hey wouldn't it be nice to have an excuse to get dressed...or uh...bathe..." and the only thing I want is to get out of the stinking house! But whenever I have TOO many things to do...all I want is a day where I have nothing to do. For some reason my life often takes the pattern of coming in huge waves all at once, or I'm lucky if the wind creates a little movement. Maybe this is just me being picky with what I want....or maybe life is as ironic as I think it is.

"My Life Would Suck Without You"

I am so ridiculously blessed. For some reason I have found the sneaky way of tricking a number of amazing people to be apart of my life. I'm not exactly sure how I managed it, some might describe me as a bit of a uh...well freak! But I did it! Their mine and I get the privilege of calling them my best friends. They make me laugh until I cry, then find a way of making me laugh when the tears are actually flowing. They know me better than I know myself, and still like me! I can't believe how lucky I got with them, and sincerley hope that they know how much I vaule their friendship and that hopefully one day I can be as good of a friend to them. I love them more than this small little blog can describe. If there is anything that I've learned through out my highschool expriences (which are almost over!!!!!) is that there is a plan. We are here for a purpose much bigger than ourselves, and that we cannot do it alone. He know's this though, so He sent us His son, and brothers and sisters to help us through what we can't do alone. These amazing people have brought me through what I couldn't do alone and have helped me become someone I want to be. Thank you so much.

L@uRen! Lauren Lauren Lauren...I know I tell you this all the time, but your advise is something I just couldn't live without. You are such a beautiful person inside and out. You know what you want out of life, and I would like to see someone who could stand in your way of getting it. You see things in such orignal ways and I admire you so much for that. Brandon is such a lucky man Lauren Dunn. Thank you for what you do for me, I'll never forget you LaUren Dunn...and that's not just because we're going to be FRIENDS FOREVER! ;)

LinD$ey <3 What the Doy Lindsey Robinson. Why do you have this way of making me feel like I'm worth so much love?! Why is it when I'm with you I want to be a better person? Why are you just one of the most beautiful people I've ever seen and have a way of making everything around so darn cutesy? Why is it sometimes I have to remind you how amazing you are? Can't you just see it in the mirror oozing out your pretty face and amazing style?!  That's ok though, I love reminding you :)Your going to make such an amazing mother, and have made one of the best friends I have ever had.

KiRRRstEn :D Oh. My. Stars. PROFESSOR! You have this amazing talent of just being whoever the heck you want to be, and not giving a hoot for what anyone thinks. But little do you know, this is what everyone is thinking...."why on earth does she get to have a body like that and I don't? or...Can I please be able to make an accent as weird and funny as her?! or...Why is this girl about to make me pee from laughing so darn hard at something that isn't even that funny!? and then some of us say, "how did i get so lucky to have her as one of my very bestest friends?" i Love you :)

*H0Lly* Oh Holly Ray. There are very few people that have become such a part of my heart as you have. I met you in the sixth grade...and yes my first thought was, is this girl asian or white!? But do you know what my second thought was? I wonder if I'll ever get to be friends with that girl. It's a little funny how you don't realize how much people love you. It takes a lot out of me not to be jealous of you sometimes Holly Ray. I love you so much, for your good looks, your humor, your heart, and how cute it is when you try not to freak out when I cry around you. You are amazing. I love you :)

$tEpHen <3 Stephen. You've taught me so much. About the person I am, about the person I want to be, about how to handle certain situation, about how to have a more positive outlook on life, and about how important it is to be happy. I love that when you smile it goes way past a motion that you make with your mouth. Your whole face smiles. You've effected me in so many ways and I know that it wasn't on accident that I met you. Thank you so much for what you've done for me. 
 
Br0oke My dearest Brookie Cookie. I almost don't even know what to say. I love you so much it's kind of hard to explain. There's times when your exactly what i want, and we go CRAZY or just be slugs...and then there's times where your exactly what I know I need..and don't always want. You tell me how it is Brooke, and you do it because you care. Your so talented in so many different ways and have so much to offer this world. I truly believe that there is such a speacial plan for you. One that our Heavenly Father gave to you because He knew know one could do it like you could. I love you Brooke Hurley forever and for always.

JaKey hehe oh Jakey...You. Are. Such. A. NUT! You serisouly just make me laugh thinking about you and our friendship. We are so odd. But I love it! And I love you! You just so happen to be one of the best listeners I know and always make me feel so speacial. Your going to make a great husband to some lucky girl one day, you'll make her laugh, impressed (by your crazy dance moves) and just loved. I love you Jacob Walker Robinson. Thank you for being my friend :)

BrIaNnA Brianna Cross. Why is it your my best friend? Is it because you know me better than I know me? Or is it because we've been through everthing together, and your the reason I come out the other side a better person. You don't know it Bri, but you have so much going for you. You are insaine gorgeous, you make me laugh on a daily basis, you have a crazy sense of self control (when you want it) and have this amazing ablity to love. When you love someone Bri, there's nothing better. You put your heart and soul into what you do and who you love. Whoever gets to call you his Mrs. is a lucky man. And will have to share you with me, cause your going to be my best friend forever Brianna Cross :)

bRaxTy silly braxty. You just have know idea. No idea how much potential you have. Or how you have such an amazing way of making me laugh. Or how you can just crack me up with your clever words. Sometimes I just wanna smack you and make you realize it! But I won't do that cause I love you to darn much. When you put your mind to something you exceed what you origanly wanted just to prove to yourself you can do better. Your going to make an amazing father one day. I'm so excited for you and your future Braxton. :)

M0oSe Oh my sweet moosey. You are everything a person needs. You always know what to say, and have this weird way of knowing the days when I deeply need a simple I love you message from you. You are so smart and set such high expectations for yourself. You have such an inspiring testimony in the church. You just make me laugh with your corny jokes, and always makes me remember i'm not alone, you always find a way to relate to me and help explain to me what exactly i'm feeling. And your not so hard on the eye's either ;) you are so beautiful Moose and I love you more than I can tell you!
   

Can I Be Like Ya'll?! only....not really.... :)

My sister has always been someone that I sercetly looked up to. Not that I would ever tell her that, we're the kind of sisters that when we compliment eachother it goes something like this....

"so...you don't look so fat today....and uh..your hair...did you brush it???!

 this is normally followed by a swift kick in the pants and a goofy lookin smile. And to be honest with you, I LOVE IT! I absolutley love our weird relationship and she's my best friend. She knows more about me than I do. I love that she has know earthly idea how much she has to offer this world. She has this crazy way of being able to love someone or something with her full heart, it makes her so passionate...which occasionall (or not so occasionally) makes her slightly (or not so slightly) emotional. But it's only because she honestly cares that much, and she wants to express it. She can't ever do something just half way. It's always been me and Bri. Two Pea's in a weird little pod. And then she met him. She found Levi. That lucky dog! At BYU-I she managed to find herself some goofy little guy who would turn her inside out. Levi, in all seriousness I wanted to thank you. Thank you for what you've done to my sister. You've made her such a better person. I know that I may not know you ALL that well yet, but I know that you are the kind of man who does what he knows is right. You put the Lord first, and for that he has blessed you with the ability to change lives. Cause that's what you do Levi. You've changed my sister's life. I've notice that you do things only if they really matter, and that is so refreshing. You served your country cause you knew that it would matter. You served your Heavenly Father for two years cause you knew it would matter. You found my sister and worked to have this amazing relationship with her because you knew it would matter. And you've helped me with so many aspects of my life, and it really did matter. Thank you guys, for being so much of an example to me. Individually, together, examples of what I want, and uh.....yea.... ;) haha I love you two so much and I'm so happy for ya'll. It was no acciedent that you two crazy kids met, and no accident that you were given the challenges you were given, because you've come out stronger and better people. I love you two.