Isn't it Ironic...

I find life to be one huge ironic moment. How many times do we find ourselves rumaging through the frige because we have to make cookies for some odd reason we normally woulnd't have, and....no eggs. Even though just two days ago we had a whole carton. Or you purposely go to bed early a night so you can get up early to have a good hair day to you can suprise the kids at school (cause by this point they're all pretty use to you looking like a hobo) and this is the one morning your waiting and prepared for that dreaded alarm to go off....oops, malfuntion...no alarm. Or what seems to be taking over MY life at the current moment, when all you want is to not have plans for the day, and your day is filled to the point your basically saying "hey father time, this whole 24 hour day thing....yea, its not going to work out so much for me today. How does 28 sound?"  And then I have those days where you literally cannot think of a reason to leave the house. Why is it whenever I find myself sitting at home thinking..."hey wouldn't it be nice to have an excuse to get dressed...or uh...bathe..." and the only thing I want is to get out of the stinking house! But whenever I have TOO many things to do...all I want is a day where I have nothing to do. For some reason my life often takes the pattern of coming in huge waves all at once, or I'm lucky if the wind creates a little movement. Maybe this is just me being picky with what I want....or maybe life is as ironic as I think it is.

"My Life Would Suck Without You"

I am so ridiculously blessed. For some reason I have found the sneaky way of tricking a number of amazing people to be apart of my life. I'm not exactly sure how I managed it, some might describe me as a bit of a uh...well freak! But I did it! Their mine and I get the privilege of calling them my best friends. They make me laugh until I cry, then find a way of making me laugh when the tears are actually flowing. They know me better than I know myself, and still like me! I can't believe how lucky I got with them, and sincerley hope that they know how much I vaule their friendship and that hopefully one day I can be as good of a friend to them. I love them more than this small little blog can describe. If there is anything that I've learned through out my highschool expriences (which are almost over!!!!!) is that there is a plan. We are here for a purpose much bigger than ourselves, and that we cannot do it alone. He know's this though, so He sent us His son, and brothers and sisters to help us through what we can't do alone. These amazing people have brought me through what I couldn't do alone and have helped me become someone I want to be. Thank you so much.

L@uRen! Lauren Lauren Lauren...I know I tell you this all the time, but your advise is something I just couldn't live without. You are such a beautiful person inside and out. You know what you want out of life, and I would like to see someone who could stand in your way of getting it. You see things in such orignal ways and I admire you so much for that. Brandon is such a lucky man Lauren Dunn. Thank you for what you do for me, I'll never forget you LaUren Dunn...and that's not just because we're going to be FRIENDS FOREVER! ;)

LinD$ey <3 What the Doy Lindsey Robinson. Why do you have this way of making me feel like I'm worth so much love?! Why is it when I'm with you I want to be a better person? Why are you just one of the most beautiful people I've ever seen and have a way of making everything around so darn cutesy? Why is it sometimes I have to remind you how amazing you are? Can't you just see it in the mirror oozing out your pretty face and amazing style?!  That's ok though, I love reminding you :)Your going to make such an amazing mother, and have made one of the best friends I have ever had.

KiRRRstEn :D Oh. My. Stars. PROFESSOR! You have this amazing talent of just being whoever the heck you want to be, and not giving a hoot for what anyone thinks. But little do you know, this is what everyone is thinking...."why on earth does she get to have a body like that and I don't? or...Can I please be able to make an accent as weird and funny as her?! or...Why is this girl about to make me pee from laughing so darn hard at something that isn't even that funny!? and then some of us say, "how did i get so lucky to have her as one of my very bestest friends?" i Love you :)

*H0Lly* Oh Holly Ray. There are very few people that have become such a part of my heart as you have. I met you in the sixth grade...and yes my first thought was, is this girl asian or white!? But do you know what my second thought was? I wonder if I'll ever get to be friends with that girl. It's a little funny how you don't realize how much people love you. It takes a lot out of me not to be jealous of you sometimes Holly Ray. I love you so much, for your good looks, your humor, your heart, and how cute it is when you try not to freak out when I cry around you. You are amazing. I love you :)

$tEpHen <3 Stephen. You've taught me so much. About the person I am, about the person I want to be, about how to handle certain situation, about how to have a more positive outlook on life, and about how important it is to be happy. I love that when you smile it goes way past a motion that you make with your mouth. Your whole face smiles. You've effected me in so many ways and I know that it wasn't on accident that I met you. Thank you so much for what you've done for me. 
 
Br0oke My dearest Brookie Cookie. I almost don't even know what to say. I love you so much it's kind of hard to explain. There's times when your exactly what i want, and we go CRAZY or just be slugs...and then there's times where your exactly what I know I need..and don't always want. You tell me how it is Brooke, and you do it because you care. Your so talented in so many different ways and have so much to offer this world. I truly believe that there is such a speacial plan for you. One that our Heavenly Father gave to you because He knew know one could do it like you could. I love you Brooke Hurley forever and for always.

JaKey hehe oh Jakey...You. Are. Such. A. NUT! You serisouly just make me laugh thinking about you and our friendship. We are so odd. But I love it! And I love you! You just so happen to be one of the best listeners I know and always make me feel so speacial. Your going to make a great husband to some lucky girl one day, you'll make her laugh, impressed (by your crazy dance moves) and just loved. I love you Jacob Walker Robinson. Thank you for being my friend :)

BrIaNnA Brianna Cross. Why is it your my best friend? Is it because you know me better than I know me? Or is it because we've been through everthing together, and your the reason I come out the other side a better person. You don't know it Bri, but you have so much going for you. You are insaine gorgeous, you make me laugh on a daily basis, you have a crazy sense of self control (when you want it) and have this amazing ablity to love. When you love someone Bri, there's nothing better. You put your heart and soul into what you do and who you love. Whoever gets to call you his Mrs. is a lucky man. And will have to share you with me, cause your going to be my best friend forever Brianna Cross :)

bRaxTy silly braxty. You just have know idea. No idea how much potential you have. Or how you have such an amazing way of making me laugh. Or how you can just crack me up with your clever words. Sometimes I just wanna smack you and make you realize it! But I won't do that cause I love you to darn much. When you put your mind to something you exceed what you origanly wanted just to prove to yourself you can do better. Your going to make an amazing father one day. I'm so excited for you and your future Braxton. :)

M0oSe Oh my sweet moosey. You are everything a person needs. You always know what to say, and have this weird way of knowing the days when I deeply need a simple I love you message from you. You are so smart and set such high expectations for yourself. You have such an inspiring testimony in the church. You just make me laugh with your corny jokes, and always makes me remember i'm not alone, you always find a way to relate to me and help explain to me what exactly i'm feeling. And your not so hard on the eye's either ;) you are so beautiful Moose and I love you more than I can tell you!
   

Can I Be Like Ya'll?! only....not really.... :)

My sister has always been someone that I sercetly looked up to. Not that I would ever tell her that, we're the kind of sisters that when we compliment eachother it goes something like this....

"so...you don't look so fat today....and uh..your hair...did you brush it???!

 this is normally followed by a swift kick in the pants and a goofy lookin smile. And to be honest with you, I LOVE IT! I absolutley love our weird relationship and she's my best friend. She knows more about me than I do. I love that she has know earthly idea how much she has to offer this world. She has this crazy way of being able to love someone or something with her full heart, it makes her so passionate...which occasionall (or not so occasionally) makes her slightly (or not so slightly) emotional. But it's only because she honestly cares that much, and she wants to express it. She can't ever do something just half way. It's always been me and Bri. Two Pea's in a weird little pod. And then she met him. She found Levi. That lucky dog! At BYU-I she managed to find herself some goofy little guy who would turn her inside out. Levi, in all seriousness I wanted to thank you. Thank you for what you've done to my sister. You've made her such a better person. I know that I may not know you ALL that well yet, but I know that you are the kind of man who does what he knows is right. You put the Lord first, and for that he has blessed you with the ability to change lives. Cause that's what you do Levi. You've changed my sister's life. I've notice that you do things only if they really matter, and that is so refreshing. You served your country cause you knew that it would matter. You served your Heavenly Father for two years cause you knew it would matter. You found my sister and worked to have this amazing relationship with her because you knew it would matter. And you've helped me with so many aspects of my life, and it really did matter. Thank you guys, for being so much of an example to me. Individually, together, examples of what I want, and uh.....yea.... ;) haha I love you two so much and I'm so happy for ya'll. It was no acciedent that you two crazy kids met, and no accident that you were given the challenges you were given, because you've come out stronger and better people. I love you two.

Some of Life's Great Wonders...Just make me Wonder

I enjoy running. Sometimes I have to tell myself enjoy running mainly due to the fact that I couldn't stand how tight my pants had fit that day and the thought of running is more of what i enjoy, but either way; running, or what occasionally looks more like a fast past shuffle, is something I do on a regular basis. Today was more of a fast past shuffle kind of day, so I decided to find a place where the passing cars couldn't laugh at the pained expression on my face as I tried sucking in air. On days like these I find refuge in the local public middle track. On my way driving to this track I was attempting to find a song on my ipod to give me the adrenaline I knew I would need as soon as my feet hit the gravel, especially after the dinner I just partook of, little did I know, I was about to see something truly majestic and what turned to be into thought provoking. As I made my way down to the track slowly, anticipating the on coming stomach crap I looked up from my ipod and that's when I saw it. One of life's great wonders. The sky was draped in a kind of black silk that was slowly crawling across the atmosphere, a kind of deadly peaceful thing to see. Undeniably beautiful in any case, but slightly threatening. The threat I was feeling was probably due to the fact that I live in San Antonio and have almost forgotten the smell of rain sense the all consuming drought hit us. However, I continued to gaze up at the sky in wonder....as I wondered. My life sometimes feels like these weather patterns that Texas has adopted. At times I feel as if I'm going through a bit of a drought. Maybe it's with a certain friend that I'm missing, or a feeling I haven't been able to feel, or that feeling of pure anticipation to see him...Sometimes these things just aren't there. But then, just when I start to think this drought will never end, a sky like this shows up, with the promise of something beautiful, different, with the mystery of turning into slightly threatening, but non the less a cleansing from the sun and cracking dirt I've been getting use to.

Tell Them All I Know Now

"Tell them all i Know now, shout it from the roof tops..."

Have you ever noticed that after you go through an expirence, after you've been broken down to what the very core of you has been made of, you feel like you don't know ANYTHING anymore. That every thing that you thought you knew, has been shaken, and you start to wonder how complete of a person you are. Its not until you get to the point that you are no longer blind sighted from the hurt you were feeling that you start to understand what exactly happend, and then slowly your mind starts to comprehend why. Eventually we get to the point of being able to wrap our head around the fact that yes, it wasn't easy. But it was worth it...and it happend for a reason. This is where it happens though. This is how our radio becomes crowded with broken hearted love songs. This is where all of our sappy love movies we cry to on life time come from. And this my friends is where you find the inspiring facebook status's, and the I think I'm starting to understand it blog post. Because as soon as you get through whatever it is thats causing your sleepless nights and teary pillow cases, all you want to do is "shout it from the roof tops" and tell all those who feel incomplete, or heart broken in some way, that "what they hoped would be impossible" has happend. More importantly however....it will end, and we get to learn from it. Then we get to share all we know, even if just to ourselves.

in the words of a women wiser than i..."WHAT THE DOY!?"

have you ever had those moments where you wouldn't necessarily say that things were good, but they defiantly weren't bad? or your sitting in your car and you see a bag floating across the highway and for no good reason you start crazy laughing at it? or your stomach is rumbling but you're still saying your not hungry just cause you don't know what you want to eat? and the classic sitting at home thinking, I've done this the past two nights....i need to get out....only you cant figure out if you actually want to leave the house and attempt being social? these are the moments where you just look at your reflection and say.... "WHAT THE DOY?!?" a phrase I've picked up from one of my favorite people in this whole freaking world!

new chapter...nah, new book

you always hear about how sometimes you just need to start a new chapter in your life. when things just get to that point where you can no longer handle the chapter your in. well what no one ever tells you what to do when you've already turned the chapters. over and over and over. but some how every time you try and re-write the chapter the same crap comes back, just with different words. so what do you do then? i think sometimes we just need to open a new book. start over, pick a new cover, new title, and new characters. that's what i want. only thing is....i don't know how to start it. i don't want to fill this new book with silly distractions, i want it to mean something. i want people to see my book and want to read it, to be able to take a chapter from this new grand book and have it mean something to them, because it meant something to me. i want a new book.