Some of Life's Great Wonders...Just make me Wonder

I enjoy running. Sometimes I have to tell myself enjoy running mainly due to the fact that I couldn't stand how tight my pants had fit that day and the thought of running is more of what i enjoy, but either way; running, or what occasionally looks more like a fast past shuffle, is something I do on a regular basis. Today was more of a fast past shuffle kind of day, so I decided to find a place where the passing cars couldn't laugh at the pained expression on my face as I tried sucking in air. On days like these I find refuge in the local public middle track. On my way driving to this track I was attempting to find a song on my ipod to give me the adrenaline I knew I would need as soon as my feet hit the gravel, especially after the dinner I just partook of, little did I know, I was about to see something truly majestic and what turned to be into thought provoking. As I made my way down to the track slowly, anticipating the on coming stomach crap I looked up from my ipod and that's when I saw it. One of life's great wonders. The sky was draped in a kind of black silk that was slowly crawling across the atmosphere, a kind of deadly peaceful thing to see. Undeniably beautiful in any case, but slightly threatening. The threat I was feeling was probably due to the fact that I live in San Antonio and have almost forgotten the smell of rain sense the all consuming drought hit us. However, I continued to gaze up at the sky in wonder....as I wondered. My life sometimes feels like these weather patterns that Texas has adopted. At times I feel as if I'm going through a bit of a drought. Maybe it's with a certain friend that I'm missing, or a feeling I haven't been able to feel, or that feeling of pure anticipation to see him...Sometimes these things just aren't there. But then, just when I start to think this drought will never end, a sky like this shows up, with the promise of something beautiful, different, with the mystery of turning into slightly threatening, but non the less a cleansing from the sun and cracking dirt I've been getting use to.

Tell Them All I Know Now

"Tell them all i Know now, shout it from the roof tops..."

Have you ever noticed that after you go through an expirence, after you've been broken down to what the very core of you has been made of, you feel like you don't know ANYTHING anymore. That every thing that you thought you knew, has been shaken, and you start to wonder how complete of a person you are. Its not until you get to the point that you are no longer blind sighted from the hurt you were feeling that you start to understand what exactly happend, and then slowly your mind starts to comprehend why. Eventually we get to the point of being able to wrap our head around the fact that yes, it wasn't easy. But it was worth it...and it happend for a reason. This is where it happens though. This is how our radio becomes crowded with broken hearted love songs. This is where all of our sappy love movies we cry to on life time come from. And this my friends is where you find the inspiring facebook status's, and the I think I'm starting to understand it blog post. Because as soon as you get through whatever it is thats causing your sleepless nights and teary pillow cases, all you want to do is "shout it from the roof tops" and tell all those who feel incomplete, or heart broken in some way, that "what they hoped would be impossible" has happend. More importantly however....it will end, and we get to learn from it. Then we get to share all we know, even if just to ourselves.

in the words of a women wiser than i..."WHAT THE DOY!?"

have you ever had those moments where you wouldn't necessarily say that things were good, but they defiantly weren't bad? or your sitting in your car and you see a bag floating across the highway and for no good reason you start crazy laughing at it? or your stomach is rumbling but you're still saying your not hungry just cause you don't know what you want to eat? and the classic sitting at home thinking, I've done this the past two nights....i need to get out....only you cant figure out if you actually want to leave the house and attempt being social? these are the moments where you just look at your reflection and say.... "WHAT THE DOY?!?" a phrase I've picked up from one of my favorite people in this whole freaking world!

new chapter...nah, new book

you always hear about how sometimes you just need to start a new chapter in your life. when things just get to that point where you can no longer handle the chapter your in. well what no one ever tells you what to do when you've already turned the chapters. over and over and over. but some how every time you try and re-write the chapter the same crap comes back, just with different words. so what do you do then? i think sometimes we just need to open a new book. start over, pick a new cover, new title, and new characters. that's what i want. only thing is....i don't know how to start it. i don't want to fill this new book with silly distractions, i want it to mean something. i want people to see my book and want to read it, to be able to take a chapter from this new grand book and have it mean something to them, because it meant something to me. i want a new book.

waking up

life isn't a dream. sometimes it'll feel like that though. sometimes i feel like I'm just sleep walking, and my life is a bit of a dream. too good to be true. the older i get however i realize life can't always be this way. every now and then we go through times of pure dreaming, but for every good dream, there's the alarm clock that follows. as unwelcoming as that buzz in our ear can be, we shouldn't be bitter the dream is over. instead we should appreciate that it happened. chasing after a dream is like trying to catch your shadow. pointless and tiring. we have to wait for the times we're placed right under the sun and we're standing on our shadow. we have to wait for the nights where we're blessed with a dream. and then let it engulf us.

wouldn't that be nice...

hey, wouldn't it be great if life were like a computer? now i know absolutely nothing about computers and how they work, but i am aware however that they were made idiot proof for people like me! i am just filled with joy every time I'm typing something up and that beautiful thing of auto correct happens, or whatever the heck its called. I'm just going along my business and mid mistake..WHAM! the computer fixes it for me! i love it! or if it doesn't know how to fix it right away it makes that squiggly line under it and then gives me all these great suggestions on how to fix it! but maybe the best part about these gorgeous things is that even if i can correct all my mistakes, sometimes i just wont like the sentence, so i aim my next finger at the delete button! what a wonderful idea! it leaves absolutely no trace of the sentence that i wanted out of my story! sometimes i wish that someone would swoop in and auto correct my mistakes, or tell me when I'm messing up, and then give me options to fix it, and sometimes i would really love to be able to delete parts out of my story, have no trace of them! that way at the end of it all, all there is to read would be my best work. but i guess life isn't like that. but....wouldn't that be nice :)

words can not describe

how can you describe the taste of water? how can you explain the sound of rain? the touch of sand? the color of yellow? the feeling of love? how is it that there are so many things, feelings, and moments in this world that words cannot describe? yet the use of that very phrase...."words cannot describe" can explain so much.