in my mind....that turned out better...

so to make myself feel better...I'm going to go ahead and take the liberty to pretend that what I'm going to admit is something totally normal, something that we all do. more often than not i find myself sitting quietly in the corner with an odd smile on my face. no this face is not some kind of a twitch, a weird reaction to my allergy medicine, or the product of a severe lack of sleep. all of which are things you will find me blaming on a regular bases. no I'll go ahead and tell what these odd smiles and weird faces are. i can say this in complete confidence on account i know that a grand total of three people read this...so I'm not sure why I'm beating around the bush..you're all fully aware of the amount of weirdness that comes with me. so here it goes. sometimes i find that whatever is happening in my life is not worthy of notice. sometimes i just get so bored with whats happening in and around my life that i chose to sit in the corner and making a little motion picture in my mind of my current situation that would be worthy of me being in that room. now i realize that there is a very good and high chance that most people don't do this, but i still don't feel bad for lumping you all with me at the beginning of this blog, because though it is true i am fully aware that most of the human race does not take it to my level of entertainment in my own mind, i am also fully aware that i am not the only one! don't pretend that before you go and talk to that cute guy you don't plan the perfect conversation in your mind! or while your walking and listening to music that your not purposely making the effort to walk to the beat making small little model faces picturing someone looking at you saying...hey, my life would be alot better if i knew that chick! yes yes...I'm going to continue to justify this to myself, even if its not all entirely true, cause i know its partly true! its gotta be! or else the time old phrase "yea...that turned out better in my mind..." would stop being used in movies!

I've been changed

I've heard it said that people come into our lives for a reason, bringing something we must learn and we are led to those who help us most to grow if we let them and in return...well i don't because i know i'm who i am today because i knew you.


i can't really describe how i feel. i'm sitting here typing and re-typing attempting to explain to myself what exactly is happening in my mind. honestly i don't know much. i don't know what i did to deserve all the amazing things that happen, but at the same time i don't always understand some of the trials in my life either. i don't know why it is i've been blessed with you in my life. but i was. and i am so thankful.

who can say if i've been changed for the better....but because i knew you, i have been changed for good.

Done.

i can not be here anymore. i'm running in quick sand in every aspect of my life. i'm trying so hard in so many different things and getting no where in all of them. i can't handle it anymore. i just need to leave for a bit. sometimes you have to leave to understand that maybe it isn't all THAT bad. but right now....it is THAT bad. i'm done.

A Moment

you hear people talk about wanting life changing moments, but what all these thrill seekers don't realize is...that's what life is. life is just a moment. one small moment in the broad picture of it all. so it is our job to let these seconds passing us by change our lives, because its only a moment. a glorious moment we're been blessed with. so don't waste it looking for 'something better.' cause only we have the ability to make this second our one big moment of life, make it 'something better.'